Saturday, 18 December 2010
Portlandia
Having lived in Portland for 3 years before moving to Seattle, this is funny for all the right reasons...
wikileaks Does your business do business with Bank of America? Our advise is to place your funds somewhere safer.
Captain Beefheart's 10 Commandments of Guitar Playing
1. Listen to the birds
That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.
2. Your guitar is not really a guitar
Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
3. Practice in front of a bush
Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.
4. Walk with the devil
Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're brining over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.
5. If you're guilty of thinking, you're out
If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.
6. Never point your guitar at anyone
Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.
7. Always carry a church key
That's your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He's one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song "I Need a Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty — making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he's doing it.
8. Don't wipe the sweat off your instrument
You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.
9. Keep your guitar in a dark place
When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.
10. You gotta have a hood for your engine
Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.
This sound advice can be found in the book Rolling Stone's Alt-Rock-A-Rama (1996) which includes an article written by John McCormick about Moris Tepper.
@'The Captain Beefheart Radar Station'"Though they bear numbers, they are not arranged heirarchically — each Commandment has equal import."
The influence of Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart, stretched from the Grateful Dead to the Sex Pistols and beyond.
johannhari101 @bengoldacre I'm anxious that there will be women out there who really have been raped by famous men. They will be terrified by all this 
bengoldacre @johannhari101 absltly, that's why i think loud public speculation about the details of the rape, by people taking either side, is unhelpful
♪♫ Sisters Of Mercy - Marian (Royal Albert Hall, London, June 18th 1985)
Was ich kann und was ich koennte
Weiss ich gar nicht mehr
Gib mir wieder etwas schoenes
Zieh mich aus dem Meer
Ich hoer dich rufen, Marian
Kannst du mich schreien hoeren
Ich bin hier allein
Ich hoer dich rufen, Marian
Ohne deine Hilfe verliere ich mich in diesem Ort
Cultural Chemistry - the plant that robs you of your free will?
You've seen it in suburban Australian gardens with its bright, pendulous flowers in full bloom. But in Colombia, Angel's Trumpet has a dark side. It's used to rob people by robbing them of their memory, and allegedly, their free will. For All in the Mind, clinical psychologist Dr Vaughan Bell goes in search of the truth about the drug Burundanga, and Brugmansia - a popular plant with a complex personality.
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