"Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off."
"How much fucking shit is there on the menu and what fucking flavour is it?"
"Fuckety bye."
“I’d love to stop and chat to you but I’d rather have Type 2 diabetes.”
“You have laid your first big fat egg of solid fuck.”
“Please could you take this note, ram it up his hairy inbox and pin it to his fucking prostate.”
“I’ll be with you in two shakes of a crying baby.”
"Christ on a bendy bus son, don't be such a fucking faff arse."
"Ambassador, with your big baldy head you are spoiling us. Can I have a word?"
"Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your shitter with a lubricated horse cock."
"Wake up and smell the cock."
"You are a real boring fuck. Sorry, I know you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out: you are a boring F, star, star, CUNT."
"Don't get sarcastic with me, son. We burned this tight-arsed city to the ground in 1814. And I'm all for doing it again, starting with you, you frat fuck. You get sarcastic with me again and I will stuff so much cotton wool down your fucking throat it'll come out your arse like the wee tail on a Playboy bunny."
"If some cunt can fuck something up, that cunt will pick the worst possible time to fucking fuck it up cause that cunt's a cunt."
“I’ve got a to do list here that’s longer than a fucking Leonard Cohen song.”
“Are you producing porno now for the visually impaired?”
“He’s as useless as a marzipan dildo.”
“Believe me, I’d like to slip into something a lot more comfortable. Like a coma.”
“See you, you are a fucking omni-shambles, that’s what you are.”
“Get over here. Now. Might be advisable to wear brown trousers and a shirt the colour of blood.”
“Darling, I wouldn’t piss on you if you were fucking allergic to piss.”
“The intelligence we’ve got is so deep, so fucking hard, it will fucking puncture your kidneys.”
“Fuck the ‘i’s and fuck the ‘t’s”
“You’re so back-bench, you’ve actually fucking fallen off. You’re out by the fucking bins where I put you.”
“If you don’t go get me some cheese, I’ll rip your head off and give you a spinedectomy.”
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